While the holidays are a time of gathering and celebrating, you may come to dread the idea of having to be around triggering family members that are not accepting, understanding, or compassionate to those who identify as neurodiverse. These triggers may come in the form of comments, jokes, criticisms, and seemingly “well-meaning” statements that can demonstrate a lack of understanding about the way you view and exist in the world. How can one best approach family gatherings with relatives that have a limited understanding of neurodiverse perspectives? Having a plan of action can help you feel empowered and prepared for the awkward conversations you may navigate at the dinner table. Start by identifying your expectations of yourself and your relatives as they can lead to feelings of disappointment, additional frustration, and resentment when those expectations are not met. Are you expecting your triggering family members to have changed in a year or expecting yourself to feel connected when you do not feel emotionally safe to do so? 

It can be helpful to keep a mental (or digital) list of “safe” topics that you feel comfortable discussing and can use to redirect an uncomfortable conversation. Grounding and deep breathing exercises are useful tools for managing feelings of discomfort in the moment. If you have family members with whom you feel more comfortable, you can ask them to support you when feeling overwhelmed by asking for a hug, a reassuring hand squeeze, or pulling you away to help with another task. It is important to give ourselves permission to meet our need for physical, mental, and emotional space when we are feeling triggered. Going outside for a moment, excusing yourself to another room, or simply putting on nose cancelling headphones to drown out an uncomfortable conversation can be a welcome opportunity to ground yourself again. Holidays can highlight challenging family dynamics and we can remind ourselves that we will get through this season and have gratitude that holidays only come once a year.