The world is a critical place. We take in a significant amount of information on a daily basis from different sources including family, friends, work, and social media. Often, as a result of what we take in, the way we talk to ourselves changes. 

We begin to doubt, judge, and criticize ourselves. Frequently we may compare ourselves to others to identify where we fall short. Over time we may begin to feel anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, and lose motivation to continue working toward our goals. Our overall view of ourselves may veer sharply towards the negative. One way to counter this way of thinking is becoming more self-compassionate. Self-compassion is showing love, understanding, and caring toward ourselves when we identify flaws and shortcomings, as opposed to judgment and criticism. 

Here are a few tips to help increase your self-compassion.

1. Acknowledge you are human – Let’s face the fact that we are not perfect, and as a matter of fact, no one is. As much as we try to do our best, not everything is going to turn out how we expect or want it to. That’s ok, because we are human!  What comes with being human is opportunities for growing and learning. If we can adopt this ‘I’m human’ mindset, we can start telling ourselves, it’s okay not to be perfect and allow ourselves to make some mistakes because we are in the larger process of growing and learning. 

2. Remind yourself that other people go through similar things – Often when we begin to criticize ourselves it may feel as though we are the only ones feeling the way we feel, have the thoughts we have, or are in our situation. The goal is not to minimize our emotions (because all of our emotions are valid) but to increase our connection with others and decrease feelings of isolation. Recognizing we are not alone can help decrease fear or uncertainty that we may be unable to work through our emotions or navigate our current situation. 

3. Become your own friend – If we compare how we treat ourselves versus how we would treat a friend, there are often stark and distinct differences. With our friends, we give the benefit of the doubt, we provide encouragement, and focus on positive attributes and accomplishments. We forgive mistakes and are understanding of their flaws. Now imagine you treat yourself the same way, in the way you think about yourself, and act toward yourself. Ask yourself, would I speak to a friend the way I speak to myself?  Would I act the same way toward a friend?  If not, challenge yourself to use the same language or actions toward yourself that you would for a friend. 

4. Accept yourself as you are – This is a hard one for most of us because we may think acceptance means we are telling ourselves that we like things just as they are, but that is not the case. This simply means that we stop fighting it and acknowledge this is a part of who or where we are right now but we do not have to actually like it. Adopting this kind of mindful perspective can allow us to shift our focus from the things that we do not like and begin to notice the things that we do like or that are headed in the direction that we want. 

5. Get some perspective – Often when we are in a critical headspace, we may imagine that how we feel about ourselves is how others see us. We may also imagine that what we think or fear will happen or will not happen is fact. Quite frequently, our assumptions are incorrect. When we can stop focusing on what other people think or what we fear, take a step back, we might be able to gain a different perspective on the situation that help keep us grounded in the present and what is actually happening. We may find it helpful to utilize trusted people in our support circle to help confront our assumptions and/or fears. 

A benefit of becoming more self-compassionate is shifting away from an attitude of self-criticism and judgment to one more supportive and understanding. Instead of focusing on the negative aspect of a situation, ask yourself ‘what do I need right now’ or ‘what would feel helpful.’ This can assist in focusing on being present and attending to our needs in the current moment. Increasing self-compassion can also help decrease feelings of anxiety and depression as we are not fighting our experience in the same way, instead trying to work with it differently which can allow us to discover different opportunities for change.  

One of the most important acts of self-compassion is self-care. Make sure that you are taking time to take care of yourself. There is no one way to do self-care, and in fact it will look very different for everyone. Find the people, things, or activities that make you smile, laugh, and bring up joy and those that also allow you to relax. If you don’t know what these things are, take time to explore to find out. The more information we have about ourselves can be helpful as we continue to find our way in the world.