Life is changing again and while there are signs of a post-pandemic life on the horizon, feelings of anxiety may be starting to stir.  But why? Shouldn’t we be happy that we are starting to see the light at the end of a VERY long tunnel? Shouldn’t the idea of seeing family and friends, returning to work or school, eating dinner out, or taking on a long-desired vacation at some time in the future provoke feelings of excitement? [As an aside anytime our thoughts start with “should” that’s a clue we might be dealing with a cognitive distortion or unhealthy thinking pattern. This way of thinking often facilitates feeling poorly about ourselves keeping us stuck in our emotions. More on that later.]  If the idea does bring excitement or joy, that’s fantastic. If it feels uncomfortable, uncertain, or even anxiety provoking, you are not alone. Though the idea of resuming activities theoretically sounds good however, the uncertainty of what that will look like and how you will feel while doing or not doing the activities may feel distressing.

Some of the challenges we may have experienced in the past at the beginning of the pandemic, we may face again. Family or friends may have a different level of comfort or belief system regarding Covid-19 and the restrictions associated. Some people may be getting one of the vaccines and hold a different belief than you do on what that means in terms of behaviors and the restrictions associated with the pandemic. Employers or schools may require we return in-person.  One way to begin to deal with feeling uncomfortable, uncertain, or anxious is to understand what you are feeling and why. Ask yourselves these questions:

1. What is the situation I am reacting to? Is it the person, the place, or the activity that I am reacting to?

2. What emotion is coming up for me?  – Any emotion you are feeling is valid. Identifying the specific emotion(s) we are feeling helps when determining what to do to resolve the emotions. Sometimes it is important to go a little deeper with our emotions than the general feelings of worry, fear, anger, or sadness to help clue us in more accurately to what we need.

3. What am I telling myself about this situation that may be driving my emotions?  – Often our thoughts help keep us feeling whatever emotions we are feeling and sometimes having us thinking negatively about ourselves. These are called cognitive distortions or unhealthy thinking patterns. As mentioned above, using “should” can be a red flag that we are telling ourselves we are doing or feeling something that’s wrong. When we can narrow down the thoughts we are having, we can work to shift or redirect them ultimately with the goal of changing the emotion we are feeling.

4. Why am I feeling this way? –  Our emotions serve a purpose. For example, they can act as warning signs of perceived danger, notify us of how invested we are in something, or let us know that boundaries have been crossed. Becoming curious about why we feel what we feel can help us pull back from the emotion and look at them from a different angle instead of being “in” the emotion.

Once you have this information or parts of it, what to do next? As with other kinds of anxiety, making a list of the advantages and disadvantages of the situation can help clarify how to proceed. It can be helpful to also include any feelings you might feel as those are still important to consider. Then it’s time to normalize, identify, and communicate.

1. Normalize and validate your emotions – Feeling anxious, uncomfortable, uncertainty, or any other emotions are okay. There is no manual for how to feel when we are envisioning a post pandemic life. You are allowed to feeling differently than other people in your life and it is okay for those emotions to ebb and flow, shift or change.

2. Identify your boundaries – Figure out what you are and are not comfortable. For example, if getting together with family or friends feels too uncomfortable, ask yourself what does feel comfortable. Knowing the parameters that are acceptable for you is helpful for the next step.

3. Communicate – Communicate what you need in order to reduce your anxiety and feel more comfortable. That may look like telling people the parameters you need to feel comfortable gathering. If the concern is related to your employer or school, find out what their protocols and expectations are and share areas where you are uncomfortable to see what else can be done. In some cases, there may be options to start with a hybrid model or something similar. There may be some situations where you might be able to compromise and not feel anxious about the outcome, but if that is not the case for you, that’s okay too. Sometimes being able to verbalize how you feel helps reduce the emotion.  Communicating can be a challenging step as there may be some worry about how people will react to your boundaries. This is where you might implement some calming self-talk. [Keep reading for more about this.]

4. Remind yourself and others that this is temporary – Your emotions are temporary. Over time and coupled with having other experiences emotions will change, as may your feelings about the situation in question. When you communicate with others about your boundaries, tell them this is how you feel right now, but when and if you feel differently you will let them know.

One of the most effective ways to manage anxiety in the moment is to incorporate calming self-talk. Earlier we talked about identifying self-talk, that is, what we are telling ourselves about the situation that may be keeping us feeling or “in” our emotions. Some examples might be “People will be upset at me if I don’t go,” “I won’t have control in this situation,” “I’m scared of what will happen,” “This doesn’t feel safe.” Calming self-talk aims to counter the anxious thoughts that you may be saying to yourself, working to focus on a different perspective to the situation. For example, you might remind yourself of what you do have control over, that you can leave a situation if you feel uncomfortable, or that does not feel safe, or family and friends care about how you feel and may be disappointed not upset.  Incorporating calming self-talk takes practice but the more you do it, the easier and more believable it becomes.

Above everything else, make sure that you are giving yourself grace and have empathy for your own experience. Making changes is hard, and in the last year there has been a significant amount of change which has been ever harder. As much as possible take situations one at a time to avoid a build-up of emotions and feeling overwhelmed. If you need a little more support in managing your anxiety, other emotions, or your self-talk, we are here.